CABINET FILES: Cde Chris dismissing himself from the party, Cdes


Cde Chris Mutsvangwa

Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, it is with great sadness that I notice Cde Chris has decided to dismiss himself from the great revolutionary party.
Over the years, I have tried my best to groom this Chris boy into the leader that he is supposed to be, but the more I have tried to change him, the more raw he remains. I have tried my best to privately rebuke him while publicly defending him, but this has done very little for him to behave in a civil way.
I have known disputatious characters in my life, but Cde Chris is a  different kettle of fish altogether.
The man loves to start needless fights… you can hardly count with the fingers of one hand people in both the party and government whose toes he has not stepped on.
He has been like this for as long as I have known him.
Remember, we accommodated him at the one and only State broadcaster some years back and there was a big problem there.
After sometime, I decided to post him to the Far East as our ambassador to one of our all-weather friends. I had to recall him before his tenure was over because there were also problems there.
After allowing him to wander in the wilderness for some time, I thought the chap had reformed, so I appointed him deputy to Cde Simbarashe at the Foreign Affairs Ministry… and again there were fireworks there.
So I thought there was no harm in appointing him the Minister of War Veteran Affairs, but it looks like it remains hard for Cde Chris to restrain himself from picking up quarrels with almost anyone.
When he started picking fights with former Cdes like Didymus and Joice, we had no problems with that because here we had found a person who could tell people the unvarnished truth without flinching… actually he came in handy.
I started developing the collywobbles when the boy started ramping up his portfolio of enemies to include even his seniors in the party.
Only recently, I had to intervene to stop a nasty spat that erupted between him and Cde Phelekezela.
Last week, Cde Saviour had to remind him that he did not have title deeds to the war of liberation after he started mobilising war veterans into demanding that the post of secretary for the commissariat should be reserved exclusively for war veterans.
Before that, he also put his foot in the mouth, talking carelessly the way his predecessor at the war veterans body, Jabulani, had.
What I can tell you is that the man is a one-man civil war, because wherever he is, he is fighting or plotting a fight.
I am not sure what molds such a character. I hope Cde Chris was not raised in a polygamous household, otherwise how else can this behaviour be explained away?
Sadly, it looks like the people are getting fed-up with Cde Chris’ behaviour and careless talk, which is now causing more disharmony in the party, and have decided that he observes the match from the terraces.
Well, as long as the process is done properly, who am I to stop the people from deciding who they want to lead them?
In fact, there is a limit beyond which I cannot continue to defend him or any other member of this party.
Our sages say a man who beats a drum for a naked madman to dance should have his head examined too…. In this case the longer I continue defending and protecting this chap, the sooner the people start questioning my integrity as a leader.


Jabulani Sibanda

I notice that when his suspension was announced, he laughed it away in his idiosyncratic arrogant way, as usual trying to hide behind the fig leaf that he is my appointee who is only accountable to me and no one else.
What a bizarre way of explaining a sticky situation?
The truth of the matter is that I do not pick people for appointment to any post — be it Cabinet or Politburo — from the streets, but I choose from those that the people would have pushed up through the party structures, so for Cde Chris to arrogantly suggest that he is untouchable by the provincial structures is dangerously misleading.
Those structures represent the people, so if the people say they no longer want you, and you say you have nothing to do with them, then who are you representing or serving?
Did I ever consider him for appointment before the people at  grassroots voted overwhelmingly for him to become a legislator?
If I were him, instead of being arrogant and boisterous, I would  humble myself and profusely apologise to the people, because the political life of any politicians is in the hands of the people. Resorting to sophistry and casuistry is not the best strategy to employ in this situation.
If that is the way his members in the war veterans association behave wherever they go around the country, then it is not surprising that we have been losing elections in some parts of the country… there is no way undisciplined people like these can help the party to endear itself with the people.
In this case we cannot really say Cde Chris is being dismissed from the party, but he is in fact dismissing himself from the party because of his arrogance and haughty attitude.
Anyway, I should be going on my well-deserved annual vacation, so let me see how this situation develops over the next few weeks.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely


Putchist crankpots couple
Our sincerest commiserations go to Cdes Monica and Chris Mutsvangwa, the Lady and Lord Macbeth team who are just one Banquo and a wood in Birnam short of a succession plot.
Dr CZ sincerely wishes there was something that he could do to help this embattled couple, but sadly there is nothing.
Dr CZ himself saw some of these things coming hence his decision to quit the party on his own accord, instead of being booted out as has become fashionable these days.
Anyway, who ever said what goes around comes around could have been right after all.
It was only in August last year when Cde Chris gave The Herald a fulsome interview in which the following juicy quotes were extracted:
“The challenge that is befalling the party is that an ambitious coterie of political chancers that has also recruited lumpen elements with criminal intent are pursuing a fascist agenda as they employ Nazist tactics to try to wrestle power and then proceed to resurrect a post-Rhodesian political agenda. The coterie is totally opposed to the revolutionary history of the party whose regalia and banners they are so much wont to flaunt.
“The sad and inescapable reality is they harbour the reckless aberration that they can displace or bypass those that were engaged in the most critical 1973-1980 period of the national liberation struggle. They dream of a vault to high office whence they will ensconce themselves to corrupt influence as a prelude to the restoration of a post-colonial Rhodesian order. They have a craving to undo all that the heroic struggle delivered to the people of Zimbabwe. From within the belly of the party, they think they can do better where Tsvangirai’s MDC floundered on July 31, 2013.
“These are putchist crankpots with no appreciation of statecraft. The only political card they are hanging onto is their coalescence around a pretender called Didymus Mutasa….


Didymus Mutasa

“There is method in Mutasa’s indolence. Mutasa has been deliberately running down the party apparatus and intentionally sapping its capacity. He neglected all duty with the sole purpose to engender a climate where he and his cohorts would spawn frenetic chaos as a prelude to a putchist usurpation of power. Feigning laziness he was actually destroying the party from his vantage point at the core of the leadership…
“Mutasa shall soon realise that party discipline will put him in his proper place. There also is the prospect of showing him the door. As a political persona from the margins of revolutionary party, he is devoid of any noteworthy credentials. As such he won’t be missed as he falls by the way side. If real war hero Tekere could not pull that rebellion fit off, what more of plastic Mutasa. He can only fare worse.”
Now all one has to do is to replace the name Mutasa with Mutsvangwa. Life is so, so unfair on this side of the rainbow!
This week, we learnt with sadness that one of Dr CZ’s professional brothers had his not-so-clean name sucked into the vortex of an unfolding political spying scandal. Sadly, from the little we have had the privilege to know about the brother over the years, we would rather devote our little energies to other life-enhancing vocations than defending him. As the Spaniards say, to every pig comes his Martinmas!
Last one
This is Dr CZ’s last article. Yes the very last. We actually mean the very last for the year 2015.
Because of the dire economic situation in the country, Dr CZ will not be accepting any gifts from his millions of fans. Those generous gifts in cash and kind, while appreciated, should instead be channelled towards other urgent humanitarian needs in the country.
Until next year, God willing.

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