Nothing unusual with reshuffle, Cdes


Newly appointed minister of Higher and Tertiary Education Prof Jonathan Moyo

Dear Cabinet  and Politburo members

COMRADES, after repeatedly asking you to exercise patience, I started the week by making some crucial changes to my Cabinet team in order to ensure that the country gets the best out of your hard work.
Never listen to what our sclerotic detractors would be saying, because their job is to view things with a jaundiced eye and say negative things, but this should never distract us from dutifully serving the people.
The changes that I made this week were not an admission on my part that I have lost faith in the same team that I reposed barely two years ago (some even six months ago), and therefore also an admission that I am hopelessly recycling deadwood. This is not true. These minor adjustments I made were necessary for the smooth operation of our government as we race towards achieving our Zimbabwe Agenda for Sustainable Socio-Economic Transformation (Zim-Asset) blueprint goals. I do not have to remind you that we are left with just three years, not just to deliver on our Zim-Asset promises, but also to give the people another valid reason to vote resoundingly again for the great revolutionary party that delivered them to Canaan: The land of milk and honey.
Because I am always alive to this, I therefore have to make adjustments that are necessary to speed up progress. The same way a football coach changes his players’ positions or a farmer using an ox-drawn plough to till his land may decide to change his oxen from this to that position… that’s what I have simply done. The changes had nothing to do with the imaginary factions in the party. Besides, these changes give you Cdes a chance to learn a thing or two in different ministries and therefore make you near all-rounders in readiness for future leadership roles.
This month, American President, that little boy Barack Obama, will be visiting his ancestral homeland of Kenya and has mischievously decided to disguise this trip as a tour of the African continent. And the usual detractors started insinuating that this was a snub on this country because this was Obama’s last visit to Africa before his second and final term comes to an end. These people are foolish as usual.
Last week, the same Americans celebrated their national day, July 4. I am reminded of this passage from a speech delivered by that great American civil rights leader, Frederick Douglass, way back in 1852.
An excerpt from this speech read:
“What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer: A day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelly to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciations of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade, and solemnity, are, to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy — a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices, more shocking and bloody, than are the people of these United States, at this very hour.
“Go where you may, search where you will, roam through all the monarchies and despotisms of the old world, travel through South America, search out every abuse, and when you have found the last, lay your facts by the side of the everyday practices of this nation, and you will say with me, that, for revolting barbarity and shameless hypocrisy, America reigns without a rival.”
Need I say more?
Go and search for Douglass’ full speech and read it on your own and you will understand what America has always been.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely


That former ZANU-PF supremo Didymus Mutasa is an embattled chap and is no longer something to be debated upon.
What should instead be debated is whether those who are ratcheting threats against Mutasa — who happens to be Dr CZ’s distant relative — really mean any harm to him or are merely making addled threats.
If ever there are any people who have worked so hard to squander whatever credibility they might have had, then Oppah Muchinguri-Kashiri and Patrick Chinamasa should lead the pack.
Sometime in January this year, the two promised the nation a report on Mutasa’s alleged criminal activities. They told us that Mutasa was a thief, a rapist and everything else that a quintessentially evil person prides self in.
More than half a year later, the duo is back cooing the same threats… the ZANU-PF Manicaland province has launched an investigation into criminal activities wantonly committed by Mutasa, blah, blah.
“We have cases of sexual abuse, fraud, and abuse of party and government funds. He (Mutasa) was allocating A2 farms illegally to his girlfriends and relatives,” Cde Muchinguri-Kashiri told us for the umpteenth time.
Kindly do not ask Dr CZ what mandate the ZANU-PF Manicaland province has to investigate crimes, because he is also beginning to wonder when the threatened arrest and prosecution (read persecution) will ever take place. It is rash to assume that Mutasa is a clean man by any standards, but the behaviour of those who have arrogated themselves the right to investigate him leaves a lot to be desired. Are they hesitant because a preponderating majority of them are guilty of equally heinous crimes… crimes that are part and parcel of the featherbeddings that power brings along with it?
Bye Cde!
This week, Zimbabwe lost writer, poet and freedom fighter, Cde Freedom Nyamubaya. If there is anything like a Zimbabwean and a half, the shen was one of those. Sad as it might be, people like Dr CZ are forever obliged to God and the gods that they were allowed to roam the surface of the earth at the same time with her.
Dr CZ mourns Cde Nyamubaya with two quotes from John Irving’s novel, The World According to Garp. “You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I’m going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.”
“Death, it seems,” Garp also wrote, “does not like to wait until we are prepared for it. Death is indulgent and enjoys, when it can, a flair for the dramatic.”
Dr CZ hereby shares one of Cde Nyamubaya’s many witty and thought-provoking poems. This one is called “A Mysterious Marriage”:
Once upon a time
There was a boy and a girl
Forced to leave their home
By armed robbers.
The boy was Independence
The girl was Freedom.
While fighting back, they got married
After the big war they went back home.
Everybody prepared for the wedding
Drinks and food abounded,
Even the disabled felt able,
The whole village gathered waiting
Freedom and Independence
Were more popular than Jesus.
Independence came
But Freedom was not there,
An old women saw Freedom’s shadow passing,
Walking through the crowd, Freedom to the gate.
All the same, they celebrated for Independence.

Independence is now a senior bachelor
Some people still talk about him
Many others take no notice
A lot still say it was a fake marriage.
You can’t be a husband without a wife.
Fruitless and barren Independence staggers to old age
Since her shadow, Freedom, hasn’t come.

Meanwhile, one of Dr CZ’s fans was wondering when the government would be announcing the dates for the by-elections to replace Rio Tinto Plc and Essar, the latest of foreign investors to acrimoniously recall themselves from Zimbabwe, a country that is in a seriously bad need of foreign investment. Dr CZ once heard another less patriotic being yawning that elections can be rigged, but rigging the economy is another story altogether! Not every falsehood is entirely false, they say.
Those misogynists were at it again this week. One of them, who unavoidably happens to be one of Dr CZ’s most faithful followers, shared the following with him.
A vehement debate erupted among men fire-catching at a funeral wake about the pros and cons of having more than one wife. And it raged on, on and on. Until one old man, a retired economist who all along had been dozing soundly, chimed in with his own economics-inspired theory on the side of the pro-polygamy brigade. And he argued thus: A: Monopoly should always be broken. B: Competition improves the quality of service.
Then he went on to explain himself away. “If you have one wife, she bullies and fights you! If you have two wives, they fight for you! So decide and make a decision today!”
It later transpired that the dirty-minded old hunk was deservedly single!
Disclaimer: As usual, Dr CZ is just a mere messenger. He has no such experience whatsoever (nor does he wish to have any!) and does not in any way accept responsibility for any effects (and or side effects) thereafter of such asinine suggestions! #gorerezvidzidzo